Obama Vows To Stop Americas Shitty Jobs From Going Overseas - TheOnion

In an appeal to working class voters, Barack Obama claimed his economic plan would save millions of backbreaking, mind-numbing shitty jobs.

Economists Warn Anti-Bush Product Market Close To Collapse - TheOnion

The sudden drop in demand for "Buck Fush" T-shirts and "Hail to the Chimp" posters could leave millions unemployed.

Being A Detective Who Talks To Ghosts Not As Exciting As TV - TheOnion

On Today Now! paranormal detective Leonard Higgs explains that using ghosts to solve crimes actually involves a lot of paperwork.